Famous Quotes by Dave Barry

Below are famous quotes by Dave Barry - US columnist & humorist (1947 - ).

And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy businesspeople Get Ahead by using their MacIntosh computers to create the ultimate American business product: a really sharp-looking report.

As long as humanity has been human, it has looked toward the heavens and dreamed that some day, some way, there would be giant federal contracts involved.

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to.

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.

The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.

What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth ? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

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